Right, it's River Cottage in Wainfleet St Mary. Lincolnshire, East Midlands. It's one of three cottages converted from old farm buildings. They're on our family farm down a private lane.
It sleeps four, but it's one bedroom and one bathroom. It's open plan downstairs. The rating is five star, which means it's well-equipped and finished to a good standard. It's clean and comfortable.
You get a private walled garden that looks out over the river. There's a hot tub out there. You can see the River Steeping from the cottage. It's very quiet.
You're welcome to walk along about eighty acres of the riverbank and farm tracks. You'll see herons and kingfishers if you're quiet.
The town of Wainfleet All Saints is about an eight hundred yard walk. There's a couple of pubs that do food, a few shops, and a weekly market. The Batemans brewery is there if you like that sort of thing.
Skegness and the beach are about five miles away for the classic seaside stuff. The Fantasy Island theme park is a bit further on, about eight miles.
If you want a proper day out, Gunby Hall is seven miles. That's National Trust. Lincoln is forty miles, but it's a straightforward drive and the cathedral is worth it.
Facilities: Wi-Fi, parking, all bedding and towels included. There's a washing machine. We can provide a cot and highchair if you need them. The garden is enclosed. You can bring two dogs.
Useful link for planning: Visit Lincoln.